Sixteen Years in Care, a Memoir: A journey to freedom from rejection, pain and loneliness, Malcolm Down Publishing, 2022.
David Meader tells his personal story of growing up in care, growing in understanding of the on-going impact that had on his life, and ultimately meeting God who would deal with his rejection and institutionalisation and lead him to freedom.
This is a fascinating book in which the author tells his story of being placed in care as a very young child, growing up in The Homes in Birchington, leaving ‘care’ at the age of eighteen, subsequently dealing with the impact of that start in life, and ultimately finding the freedom mentioned on the cover in relationship with God and God’s people.
Now, looking back to the middle of the 20th century, it is easy to ask how it was ever thought a good idea to look after large numbers of children in big institutions. However, David writes warmly of many aspects of his growing up in The Homes, the Spurgeon’s children’s home, including the quality and size of the meals (especially as compared to school dinners) and the advantages of having enough space and other children readily available for sports and other activities.
David’s experience was different from that of most of the other children in The Homes, who had regular contact with birth family, often returning to them for holidays and sometimes permanently. David had virtually no meaningful contact with his birth family and was left at The Homes in the holidays, which he describes as the most difficult times of those years. It is clear though that many of the staff really cared for David and especially the principal kept in touch and supported him not just at The Homes but for many years afterwards.
David tells of the years after leaving The Homes and the struggles he faced as a result of his institutionalisation. Nevertheless, with the support of the principal and The Spurgeon’s Foundation, as well as other people along the way, he succeeds in graduating from university and working in human resources. He writes too of his experiences with church and Christians, and the significance of the work of God in his life to free him from the negative effects of the start he had in life.
We also learn more about David’s birth parents and he writes sympathetically about the difficulties of their lives, which contributed to his being placed in care. There is a surprising completeness to their stories and relationships with David by the end of the book, as well as a final emphasis on the goodness of God extended to all of us in justice, forgiveness and hope.
Personally I was also drawn in to the story in a number of ways. As a foster carer, aspects of the historical institutional care were fascinating, seeing the hope of family reunification but also the despair brought on by the rejection of a birth family. The sudden change of status for a child in care upon reaching 18 is frightening, and still an aspect of caring for looked-after children that needs careful attention.
My uncle also grew up in The Homes as the son of house-parents there. Although David was not in their house, my uncle and his father appear briefly in the pages of the book, and it is an interesting insight into aspects of my uncle’s early life.
As a young adult David joined Ichthus Christian Fellowship in its early days, and I was taken with his description of Ichthus at that time. I also joined Ichthus, probably about 15 years later, and, like David, was married in the Dietrich Bonhoeffer Church in Forest Hill.
This book challenged me in thinking about the care we give to children, and the care we receive from God our Father.