Christian Parenting
In this section I will begin to outline some of the principles which are held to stand behind specifically Christian approaches to parenting and the raising of children. There is a wide range of views approaches depending on the theological approaches of the authors and their contexts and experiences. My intention here is not to try to cover everything which the authors cover regarding parenting, rather I am aiming to identify ideas which relate to questions raised by the corporate parenting material discussed above.
By its nature, much of this material assumes that children are being raised by Christian birth parent(s), in which context Fahlberg’s three domains of parenting are combined into the birth parent(s) and so is distinct from the foster care context. However, this material helpfully informs what Christian foster carers may bring to their care of children and also throws more light on the principles of corporate parenting discussed above.
Practical theologian Bonnie Miller-McLemore draws on ideas and material from Christianity, feminism and psychology to construct a practical theology of children, and summarises that themes from these three areas “confirm [her] main thesis: children must be fully respected as persons, valued as gifts, and viewed as agents” (2003, p. xxiii). There is some resonance between seeing children as persons and agents, and the corporate parenting principles which oblige the corporate parent(s) to elicit and take account of the views, wishes and feelings of children and young people in their care. These principles see the children as having some agency, but the expectation appears to be that it is the corporate parent(s) who will take action in response to the expressed views, wishes and feelings, leaving the children and young people as rather passive ‘service users’, as mentioned above. In contrast, Miller-McLemore suggests that “Ideally, a child grows not just from (self-centered) love of self to the love of others but also… to a more mature self-regard” (Miller-McLemore 2003, p. 43), enabling them not only to develop their understanding of their own needs, but also to show love and care to others rather than being passive recipients.
Holly Taylor Coolman discusses love in the context of discipline, which she states can “fruitfully imagined as apprenticing children to gather their energies together and to direct them to the purposes of love” (2024, p. 52). This implies a context of relationship involving connection as well as correction, and emphasises “not parents shaping their children but children gaining the skills that will allow them to act purposefully in the world” (Coolman 2024, p. 52). Of greatest importance, Coolman suggests, is that “what parents should aim to teach children above all is not to be respectable or simply to be compliant but to love” (Coolman 2024, pp. 52–53, emphasis original). This view of love and a child’s developing agency to love others and act purposefully goes beyond the requirements of the principles of corporate parenting.
Miller-McLemore also discusses another aspect of children’s agency: their ability to do wrong, either wilfully or not. After discussing modern psychology’s approaches to children, some of which were formed in reaction to older Christian understandings of parenting based on physical discipline and belief in children’s inherent sinfulness, she concludes that “psychology depicts children as more virtuous, dependent, and helpless than classic Christian readings do” (Miller-McLemore 2003, pp. 51–52). This appears consistent with the understanding behind the corporate parenting principles (which seek to listen and respond to children’s wishes, but not to question them) while Miller-McLemore further suggests that “Ironically, in this effort to give children power, psychology actually ends up robbing them of moral agency” (Miller-McLemore 2003, p. 52) and that “children’s needs and desires must be more than simply respected; they must be shaped” (Miller-McLemore 2003, p. 54).
Although Coolman rejects language of ‘shaping’ a child while Miller-McLemore adopts it, there is agreement that part of bringing up a child involves discipline of some kind to enable the child to learn to exercise their agency in a loving way. They both, however, firmly reject what may be called a “behavioural approach [which] focuses primarily on extinguishing unwanted behaviours” (Coolman 2024, p. 54) or one involving “harsh disciplinary tactics” (Miller-McLemore 2003, p. 58). Such an approach is exemplified by William P. Farley who writes about “How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting” (2009, Subtitle). He aims his book at “the increasingly rare Christian family with a female mom and a male dad, married, and living under the same roof” (Farley 2009, p. 14). While he states that “changing external behavior is not the issue” (Farley 2009, p. 164) he is a strong advocate of physical chastisement in response to unwanted behaviour and advises: “make sure it hurts. There must be a breaking of the child’s self-will” (Farley 2009, p. 168). He further notes that “It is going to require increasing faith and determination to persist in spanking. Indications are that it might soon become illegal [in USA]. It is already illegal in Europe…” (Farley 2009, p. 230). Apart from questions of legality, this approach is far removed both from the principles of corporate parenting and from other Christian approaches to parenting.
As Coolman discusses, such an approach is entirely negative, assumes that the child is capable of choosing to change their behaviour, and relies on the actual or threatened discomfort to cause the child to act to avoid the discomfort (Coolman 2024, pp. 54–55). She notes that “for some children in distress, a promise of more discomfort simply won’t have any effect… children who experienced complex trauma early in their lives often simply do not have the resources necessary to respond to this kind of threat. They are often too angry or anxious to care.” (Coolman 2024, p. 55) Children in foster care are not living in Farley’s ideal ‘increasingly rare’ family and, virtually always, have experienced trauma. Thus, the model of parenting exemplified by Farley is not helpful in the present context.
One biblical passage that is referenced by many writers on Christian parenting and discussed in the context of nurturing or shaping a child’s approach to life and others is Deuteronomy 6. Here, after reminding the people of Israel of the principal command to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all you soul, and with all your might” (v.5, NRSV), Moses[1] charges them to “Recite [these words] to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise” (v.7, NRSV). Emily Hunter McGowin says that “…it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children God’s story and the covenant obligations of God’s people. To do so, God’s law is to be part of the structure of daily life… The expectation is that faithfulness will be passed on within families” (McGowin 2025, p. 24). According to Gary Thomas, this passage tells us that “not only are we to love God, but we are to raise children who will love God” (Thomas 2004, p. 16). Christian foster carers, who do not hold legal parental responsibility for children in their care and are obliged to respect the religious convictions of the children and their birth families, are not in a position to expect to raise Christian foster children. Nevertheless, these reflections on Deuteronomy 6 are helpful as a reminder that the moral and ethical environment in which a child lives and grows will have an effect on them, and so the speech and actions of their day-to-day carers is vitally important. Miller-McLemore notes the requirement of Deuteronomy 6.9 to affix a Mezuzah containing the essence of Jewish law to the doorpost and observes that its “placement on the doorpost is so similar to a parent’s situation with children in the family, standing between home and the wider public, loving children inside the home and helping them learn to live others outside the home” (Miller-McLemore 2007, p. 118). Here again there is a resonance with the requirements of the corporate parenting discourse to love and respect a child, while also going beyond that to nurturing the child’s ability to act themselves and love others.
The Church of England’s Love Matters report (Archbishops’ Commission on Families & Households 2023) agrees with MacAlister (see above) that “Loving relationships hold the key for all the children and young people who come into care” (Archbishops’ Commission on Families & Households 2023, p. 19) and notes, in connection with helping children to develop loving relationships, that “parents cannot do everything on their own” (Archbishops’ Commission on Families & Households 2023, p. 20). The benefit of including more individuals in parenting than simply the parents is recognised also by Miller-McLemore, who writes that “the practice of godparenting… needs reinvigoration… responsibilities might encompass parents’ growing needs and include a variety of supports” (Miller-McLemore 2003, p. 167). These ideas also suggest that parenting may be best done ‘corporately’ by a number of individuals working together alongside the parent(s). However, this contrasts with the notion of ‘corporate parenting’ discussed above as it arises out of personal relationship, rather than being done by disparate departments and employees of the LA.
The analysis in this section has shown that there are points of contact between principles that can be identified in Christian approaches to parenting and the principles of corporate parenting. However, Christian parenting principles go further in understanding that a child will grow and develop according to the environment they are in, and that parents have responsibility to nurture a child and help them learn to exercise their agency in the world in loving and effective ways.
ARCHBISHOPS’ COMMISSION ON FAMILIES & HOUSEHOLDS, (2023). Love Matters: Summary Report. 2023: Available: https://www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2023-04/hf-summary-report-digital-single-pages.pdf . [Date Accessed 21 May 2025].
COOLMAN, H.T., (2024). Parenting: The Complex And Beautiful Vocation Of Raising Children. 1st ed. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.
FARLEY, W.P., (2009). Gospel-powered parenting: how the Gospel shapes and transforms parenting. Phillipsburg, N.J: P & R Pub.
MCGOWIN, E.H., (2025). Households of faith: practicing family in the kingdom of God. Downers Grove, Illinois: IVP, InterVarsity Press.
MILLER-MCLEMORE, B.J., (2003). Let the children come: reimagining childhood from a Christian perspective. San Francisco, Calif: Jossey-Bass.
MILLER-MCLEMORE, B.J., (2007). In the midst of chaos: caring for children as spiritual practice. 1st ed. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
THOMAS, G.L., (2004). Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
[1] I am using ‘Moses’ simply to refer to the voice of Deuteronomy, as per Deuteronomy 1.1, without making any comment as to the book’s authorship.