Last week we started to read Lamentations as a biblical example of a response to traumatic situations. We saw how, in the midst of crisis and loss, the poet could make a famous declaration of hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’ (3.22-24)
In the midst of the writer’s poetic reflection, concerning disaster which has come upon the people of God, the poet calls to mind the steadfast love of the Lord, and declares that it gives hope.
This verse has been called “the monumental centre of the book”. Another commentator describes how “The unrelieved portrayal of suffering is interrupted by an expression of God’s benevolence and mercifulness. Here it is shown that the poet of Lamentations is aware that ultimately, the Lord is not a God of wrath but of mercy.”
Not only is the Lord ultimately a God of mercy, but also the poet is aware of that fact. This combination is what brings him hope.
What specific areas of 21st century life can we apply this to? Here in London we are not suffering the trauma of the invasion and fall of our city, but I expect you can think of some other parts of life; I have been thinking especially of children.
One key aspect of child development theory is the idea of a ‘secure base’. This has been described as representing “the safety that parents provide for their children”. The parents or other caregivers of an infant show by their interaction with the child that the child is loved and cared for, and from this the child grows an understanding that they can trust the parent.
This gives a secure foundation for the child’s identity as loved and significant to the parent and for the child’s growing exploration of and interaction with the world around them. The child learns from the parent how to interact with the world, and the child knows that the parent is a safe place to which to return when the world is a frightening place. To promote this, a parent or caregiver should be consistent in showing the child love, encouragement, and protection. That’s the theory; no one is perfect and it is often not easy!
A Christian view of parenting sees the role of a parent as at least partly a reflection of the steadfast love God has for humanity, to which the poet of Lamentations refers. Human parents are not perfect, but a secure base can form when a child experiences their parent as steadfastly loving, faithful, and merciful. When this is true of parents or caregivers, and the child is aware of this (more by experience than by intellect), then the child has hope, as does the poet in Lamentations.
As a foster family, we are, in many ways, standing in the place of parents for children in our care. They may be traumatised by events in their past and/or by being taken into care. So, our role is to offer a secure base by being (ideally) steadfastly loving and consistently present. But, as one writer has said, traumatised children typically “believe that love is conditional not unconditional; they do not trust that their carers will be there for them ‘no matter what’. The children do not feel good enough and expect to be found wanting”.
This means that hope may be difficult to come by. It takes time and resilience to keep showing love, and to keep being present for a child in face of indifference or rejection. I suggest that hope can come when a) love and consistency are shown by the carer (as the poet of Lamentations states about God) and b) when the child is experientially aware of that love (as is the Lamentations poet).
What about you? When have you experienced steadfast love from another person, and did it grow ‘Hope’ in you? Are there situations where you can or do show steadfast love to another person? I pray that you’ll be able to continue, even when it might not seem appreciated by that person!
Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash