I was honoured to be asked to speak at my daughter’s wedding last Saturday. This is the text of what I said, following the reading of 1 Corinthians 13.
What a privilege to be asked to speak at your daughter’s wedding! Thank you for the opportunity, Mr. & Mrs. Clarke, as we shall, of course, endeavour to call you, henceforth.
And what a passage to speak from! Possibly the most famous passage in the Bible about love. Verses 4 to 6 contain fifteen statements about love – seven positive, seven negative, and one that I can’t decide about (let me know afterwards which one you think it is). And you’ll be pleased to know that I’m not going to take all fifteen in turn for detailed analysis.
But I think we can all recognise what Paul is writing about here. We know what love is (there have been endless postcards, historically, and memes, more recently, with a moving thought or picture about what ‘Love is…’) and we know what love isn’t. Maybe our lists would differ from this one, but this is a good starting point.
So… love is patient, love is kind, love rejoices with the truth, love always trusts and always hopes.
Which is all very lovely, but how do we know we’re really those sorts of people, who love in that way?
To help us answer that, I think we need our first gift that I’ve got for you today. I’ve got a few things for you to open, and here’s the first one.
It’s a DVD of the 2007 film Evan Almighty. I know DVDs are a bit old hat, and I’m not sure whether you’ve got a DVD player, but this is more visual than a streaming access code.
I don’t know if you know this film, but it’s one of those where Morgan Freeman plays God. Here he’s asking US Congressman, Evan Baxter, to build an ark and fill it with animals, as he once asked someone else. This has endless complications and consequences, one of which is to raise questions for Evan’s wife about Evan’s state of mind (which is not the point here!).
At this point, God (Morgan Freeman) turns up for a chat in a coffee shop with Evan’s wife, and says what are, for me, the most memorable lines of the film (I have no recollection what the overall story-arc is!).
God says this, about answering prayers:
Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If someone prays for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If someone prays for their family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Now, I know this a daft film with a non-memorable ending, and it’s Morgan Freeman saying his lines, not actually God, but I think there is truth here that St. Paul, who wrote the letter to the Corinthians, would agree with.
“Love is patient” writes Paul. But what good is patience in isolation? What does it even mean to be patient, in the absence of an opportunity to show patience? What does it mean to be kind, in the absence of opportunities to be kind? What does it mean not to be easily angered, in the absence of situations which might cause you to be angry or frustrated?
Love is at the heart of marriage – of course it is. It’s a crucible, an intense place to work out the realities of what it means to love. You will find opportunities to be patient, kind, protecting, trusting, hopeful and persevering – take them! You will also find opportunities, when choices have to be made, not to dishonour the other, not to be self-seeking, not to be angry – not to keep a record of wrongs – take those opportunities too!
I have a second gift for you…
I have really only one memory of Naomi’s, admittedly short-lived, ballet career. I’m afraid it’s not a memory of any dancing, but of a joke that the MC told during one of the times when he had to keep talking while groups of dancers were moved on and off stage behind the curtain.
There was a man walking down the street, when his hat blew off in the wind. A passing dog raced off down the street, caught the hat after several attempts, and brought it back, firmly clasped in its jaws, to its owner.
The dog’s owner thought this was all very funny, and extracted the sorry looking item from the dog’s mouth to return it to its owner.
Seeing the dog-owner laughing about his hat, the man said, “I don’t like your attitude,” to which the dog-owner replied, “It wasn’t my hat-he-chewed!”
It’s an old joke, and one that’s been told much better than that I’m sure, but that’s the punchline that stuck with me – and that’s a chewable pet toy in the shape of a hat!
One reason it stuck with me is because ‘attitude’ is at the heart of another of my favourite Bible passages. In another letter that Paul wrote, he’s talking again about how his readers should relate to one another. He tells them to look out for each other’s interests in preference to their own, which was probably as radical then as it is now! And then he looks for an example to give them, and he says this: “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” He continues to talk about how Jesus didn’t exploit his advantages and privileges, he emptied himself, and he humbled himself.
Quite the attitude?! And again, while these are things that apply to relationships generally, marriage focusses, amplifies, concentrates them in one place.
So as well as taking the opportunities to show love in different ways, seek to put the attitude of Jesus at the heart of your relationships – the attitude that looks out for each other’s interests in preference to your own. (Of course, if you’re both doing that, you each get your own interests looked after – by the other!)
One of my favourite mementoes of Naomi growing up (and we’ve found others for later on) is a Father’s Day card she once sent me. The front of the card reads: “If at first you don’t succeed, call Dad”.
A fine sentiment, I think, for a daughter or son growing up. As a father, I wanted to be someone who could be called on in times of need.
But today marks a change. A change in your primary connections. The biblical picture of marriage is of two people leaving the families they grew up in and forging something new – a new unit, in which the first place to turn for support, advice, connection is each other.
Of course, we will always be your families, and your families and friends will always be cheering you on as you form this new household unit – there is, of course, always the opportunity to ‘call Dad’.
But my prayer is that you will discover a strength, a unity as you look to each other, and look to God. And so my third gift is perhaps a little less frivolous in nature.
Your parents will continue to be your father and mother, and now your father-in-law and mother-in-law, but a fearsome part of that role is to be a pale reflection of who God desires to be, as your heavenly Father. I actually don’t know whether you’ve already read this book, but The Father Heart of God is a classic exploration of God’s heart for you, and for all of us.
May you know the heart of Father God as you grow the attitude of Jesus to put each other first and choose not to envy, boast or keep a record of wrongs, while taking those opportunities to show patience, kindness, and love.